Flame Accessories
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Pyro demonstrates how to coexist with flames to the tune from a timeless animated classic.


**Flame Accessories**

"Ahhh, what a happy, happy day," Pyro giggled as he merrily skipped down a hallway of the Acolyte base. "I love it when I have free time. Nothing to do but rest, relax…"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto was heard shouting in the distance.

"…and spread the joy of lovely flames everywhere," Pyro grinned as he casually set fire to the ceiling.

"MY LAB! MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL LAB!" Magneto screamed furiously. "THAT INSANE NUT BURNED EVERYTHING IN SIGHT! WHAT THE…NOT THE GENETIC RESEQUENCER TOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"HERE ARE MORE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS!" Piotr shouted helpfully. "ALL THE ONES THAT WERE NOT MELTED OR BLOWN UP!"

BOOOOOOM!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth roared. "THE FIREBUG BURNED THE DOOR TO MY ROOM TO ASHES! AND THE SURROUNDING WALL! HE IS GOING DOWN!"

"WHERE ARE YOU PYRO?!" Magneto yelled. "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN EATING CANDIED PECANS AND COCOA MIX AGAIN!"

"Burny, burny, burny!" Pyro laughed as he waltzed into the Control Room.

"HOW DOES HE DO IT?!" Remy yelled inside the Control Room as he desperately tried to put out a huge inferno of burning metal that threatened to consume the whole room. "HOW THE HECK DOES HE MANAGE TO SET ALL THIS NONFLAMMABLE STUFF ON FIRE?!"

"How? Why it's simple, mate," Pyro grinned knowingly. "All I gotta do is," he snapped his fingers. _"Look for the flame accessories! The simple flame accessories! Forget about my worries and my strife!_"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP WITH THE SINGING AND HELP ME OUT HERE!" Remy screamed at him. "AND WHAT THE HECK IS A FLAME ACCESSORY?!"

"_I mean the flame accessories! Old Mother Nature's recipes! That brings the flame accessories to life!_" Pyro winked as he left.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! GET BACK HERE…YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy screamed as the room was engulfed in flames.

"_Wherever I wander, wherever I gaze_," Pyro sang and danced around. "_I couldn't be fonder, of a big blaze!_"

"PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" Magneto was heard yelling. "AAARRRGGGHHH! AIM FOR THE FIRE YOU IDIOT, NOT ME!"

"SORRY!" Piotr whistled innocently.

"_Some things will burn all day and night, when they are set alight just right!_" Pyro giggled and waved his arms around.

"Gahhhhhh!" Remy gasped as he stumbled out of the Control Room covered head to toe in soot.

"_When flames are threatened to wind up dead, I go ahead and help 'em spread! Knowing with certainty_," Pyro used his powers to distribute more fires while happily skipping away.

"Oh no! Not again!" Remy groaned before running after him. "GET BACK HERE PYRO!"

"_The flame accessories of life will burn for me!_" Pyro laughed maniacally. "_They'll burn for me!_"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL THE WATER IN THE FIRE SUPRESSION SYSTEM IS **GONE**?!" Magneto yelled in disbelief. "THE TANKS HOLD OVER THREE THOUSAND CUBIC METERS OF WATER! HOW CAN IT ALL BE GONE?!"

CRASH!

"THERE YOU ARE!" Sabertooth appeared from around the corner. "PYRO YOU ARE GONNA DIE…AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screamed as Pyro shot a stream of flame at him. "AAAHHHHHH! I'M ON FIRE!" Sabertooth ran off shrieking in pain.

"_Look for the flame accessories! The simple flame accessories! Forget about your worries and your strife!_" Pyro smiled as he danced down the hallway.

"And you expect me to do that, **how**?" Remy twitched as Pyro spread fires faster than he could put them out.

"_I mean the flame accessories! That's why a flame can burn with ease! With just the flame accessories of life!_" Pyro sang gleefully as he entered a storage room.

"Pyro you'd better knock it out before I knock you out…uh oh," Remy gulped as he ran into the storage room and came to a sudden halt.

"_Now when you have some propane_," Pyro lectured as he held up a large gas tank. "_Or some pure butane_."

"Okay, Pyro. Don't do anything crazy now," Remy said nervously as he tried to talk him down. "Just put down the gas tank nice and slow…"

"_And you mix in methane_," Pyro went on. "_What are you, insane?_"

"Look who's talking," Remy muttered under his breath.

"_Don't mix the methane with the propane. If you want an alkane, go and use octane!_" Pyro grinned. "_But you don't need to add octane when you have propane that includes heptane!_" He opened up the gas valve. "_See, that's all ya gotta do!_"

"And that's my cue," Remy ran out of the room just as Pyro tossed the gas tank into the air and sent a jet of fire at it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!

"_The flame accessories of life will burn for you!_" Pyro skipped out of the burning room while laughing insanely. "_They'll burn for you!_"

"THERE! I'VE SEALED THE ROOM AND CUT OFF THE FIRE'S FLOW OF OXYGEN!" Magneto yelled. "JUST REMIND ME TO USE THE SAME TECHNIQUE ON PYRO WHEN I GET A HOLD OF HIM!"

"I'll second that!" Remy shouted in agreement.

"Hey there Gambit!" Pyro chirped, having once again noticed Remy's presence. "Whoa, are you okay? You look kinda tense."

"No, ya **think**?" Remy shouted as he frantically tried to put out the blaze in the storage room.

"Hmmm. Try to take a deep breath and let it out slow," Pyro demonstrated. "See? Doesn't that make you feel better?"

"No, since I don't wanna perform voluntary carbon monoxide poisoning," Remy snapped. "Though I won't mind seeing you pass out!"

"Oh come on, mate," Pyro encouraged. "J_ust try and relax._" He let out a large sigh. "_Yeah, cool it. Fall apart in my backyard._"

"What backyard?" Remy looked at him strangely. "We don't have a backyard. Heck, we don't even have a front yard."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! WATER! WATER!" Sabertooth ran by again still on fire.

"_'Cause let me tell you something Gambit_," Pyro indicated Sabertooth's departing form. "_If you act like old Sabes acts, uh uh. You're working too hard._"

"More like not hard enough," Remy muttered.

"_And don't spend your time fighting the flow, but act like a flame and just let go._" Pyro clapped his hands loudly. "_When you find out you can burn among it, and burn along not thinking about it, I'll tell you something true!_"

"Please don't," Remy groaned.

"_The flame accessories of life will burn for you!_" Pyro laughed and skipped off once again, leaving more fires in his wake.

"That's it! I'm outta here!" Remy threw up his hands and headed for the garage. "I'll be back in a few hours! That is if the fires are out and if the place hasn't burned to the ground first!"

"HE INCINERATED **HOW** MUCH FURNITURE?!" Magneto yelled in shock. "INCLUDING MY FAVORITE CHAIR?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I SPENT BREAKING THAT IN?! WELL I'LL SHOW YOU WHEN I BREAK PYRO'S LEGS!"

"_Look for the flame accessories! The simple flame accessories! Forget about your worries and your strife!_" Pyro sang happily as he continued to set random fires throughout the base. "_Yeah, man!_"

"LOOK OUT! THE SPHERE HANGAR IS ON FIRE AGAIN!" Piotr shouted.

"_I mean the flame accessories! That's why a flame can burn with ease! With just the flame accessories of life!_" Pyro grinned. "_Yeah!_"

"FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" Sabertooth screamed.

_"With just the flame accessories of life!_" Pyro finished with a grand flourish. "_Yeah, man!_"

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto was heard screaming in total agony, aggravation and exasperation all at the same.

"Oh yeah!" Pyro laughed insanely as the Acolyte base burned around him. "Ya gotta love it!"

* * *

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "The Bare Necessities".**


End file.
